and i need more time...

So i havent posted in a while. To be honest I have never been busier. Shit is absolutely a hundred miles an hour out here at the moment. I tend to just start writing these things and usually find my feet around paragraph three so I could pretty much talk shit about whatever here and just wait for something (semi) interesting to come out.

Ah the waiting game.

So the Idesign International awards were on in Hollywood on Thursday night. I rocked up severely underdressed and drank some free wine, snacked on some cheese and had my photo taken (which i still cant find on the net, may have been cut) Anyway, I won the award for Best Catalogue Design and was nominated for Graphic Designer of the year, which was pretty amazing. I was the youngest dude there and the only one in jeans. ftw.


Brad and Dyson, my bogan business partners at appareldirect, world dominating metal promoters and generally rad guys have been in town all week. Met the heads of a few major metal labels out here and scored some free dinners. Was awesome to hang out with mates on the other side of the world. We went to the Rainbow lounge on sunset for dinner on wed night...

Just before leaving i tell kurt where im going, he is like "oh yeh, cypress hill and ron jeremy are always hangin out there". I didnt think much about it and off i fucked.

Within 20 minutes of being in this resteraunt / bar, ron jeremy walks past and sits down. Dyson loses his mind. Finish my meal, cant stop looking at some dude that looks like an old version of Kid Rock that is sitting with 4 girls that look like they probably do or did porn at some point in their lives. Actally most of the girls in this place have definately had sex on camera at some point. Im sure of it. I digress, Kid Rock Snr noticed my constant glances (not in that way) and became pretty upset with me.. Still, pretty shitty story cos i still am not sure who he was but he was from something and looked like a real douche. Ah Well

The night continues, they let you smoke weed inthe front beer garden (it is pretty much on the street on sunset) so we take our drinnks outside and attempt to roll a spliff out of a hollowed out cigarette. Fail. I lean forward and ask the dude at the table next to us if i can steal a paper..

"only if you stop talking with that fucking stupid accent"

It was Sendog from Cypress Hill. Ended up chillin with him and his homies for a few hours talking shit and laughing at some dooshbag that was trying to get us to go see his shitty band the next night. The guy looked like he modelled himself on both Bono and Steven Tyler. At the same time. It was fucking retarded.



Ended up bailing at closing time, a homeless guy tried to sell me this rad tiny sony digital video camera for $110. I offered him $40 cash. Wasnt keen. The recession is even hurtin the Hustlers.

Left the bar and headed up to the Hills to check out the views at night. They fence off a lot of the good lookout spots at night so that gang dudes dont hang out there and rob tourists at night. Good thing im local as shit. End up climbing a fence, then watching brad fumble his way over followed by dyson. Suprisingly their primitive taste in music didnt do anything for their climbing ability.



Chilled and looked over the city. Was definately one of those life reflection moments, could have easily been on Dawsons Creek. Security rocked up and told us off, probably would have copped a fine if brad didnt talk us out of it with the "we are from australia and were just admiring your beautiful city" line. Golden.

Night finished around 6am back at marina del ray, where Curb your enthusiasm is filmed. Such a nice place, quite the contrast to Hollywood.


Oh that reminds me, i went to meet them at their hotel on Monday night for Dinner. Cost me $45US to get a cab from my place to Marina. Coming home, it cost me $70US.Dude took me the entire length of Crenshaw at 3am. I was going to call him on it but i was pretty confident that he was going to kick me out in Compton at 3am if i argued with him. Thanks taxi man, I would have ended up being found naked and dead by these kids




Been working at Dim Mak a fair bit, I have rebranded Dim Mak Tuesdays (which is the hugest party in LA) and started doing their flyers. I designed one for Rye Rye the other night which was awesome cos shes dope. I just got asked to do 3 designs for Kid Cudi too. Sooooo fucking siked. Im such a design nerd. All the dudes at Dim Mak have become really good mates, im going to post a video of Yoshio, my new japanese friend on here soon, he is like the real borat. Dude is unintentionally hilarious and partys like a demon. Heres the flyer format and logo redesign i have just done for them




Dorcia is linking up with Dim Mak for a party on the tursday night before good friday at Bar Open in perth, Get down there cos we are giving a bunch of free shit out.

So i leave LA a week on Thursday. Bitter Sweet really, iv had such a fucking amazing time here, I cant figure out if it has gone super fast or not... If anyone is thinking about coming out here, just do it, dont holiday in Hollywood, but definateyl do 3 weeks to a month. I think u need to really spend some time here to appreciate it.

Enough of my motivational tape bullshit. Im tired of typing so im gunna just rant.

Kurt and brooke just moved into a new apartment. Its on Sunset Junction and is fucking rad. Thanks heaps kurt, i have been living in the ghetto for nearly 3 months, the week i leave u move into a baller pad in party central. Way to go.


While i have been boxing to keep fit with Tiger downstairs, i have gained a litre a day redbull addiction, coupled with about a 15 cigarette a day habit and i swear too much. At least i dont drink coffee.

LAPD pretty much beat up a friend of mine. Fuck the Police. Not in an australian, "cops are fucked aii" sort of way. Cops over here will fucking kill you if you cross them, they are the biggest gang in LA and have more power than anyone. People generally fear them more than the Bloods and Crips. No shit. They hate Whoopie Goldburgs lips..

I saw Gwen Steffani outside work the other day. She was surrounded by about 9 papparazo, papparazi, whatever. She actually looked incredible, like she was in a movie or something. Hard to explain. Anyway i said hi cos she walked right past me and she said "heeeeeey". Yeh, she was def keen.

I saw alec Baldwin last week, cant remember if i already posted that.




I just shot the new range of Sneaktip stuff to get posted on blogs and shops like Karmaloop etc. Just did it for a mate here, was a quick snap job but came out pretty rad.


Should have gone to Les Deux last wed cos Rhianna and Adrian Brody were there hanging out with my friend Marlon. Marlons gf is her stylist. Pretty sure she is over black dudes that dance good, could have definately used my "white guy that dances bad" card... lose.

Missed out on seeing birds of tokyo with brad and dyson cos we got the dates mixed up. Woops.

Still have no idea where im staying in the UK. Should probably get onto that.

Trying to get my friend Romi to get me in to get tattood by Kat Von D next week. Not because I want to be on her hack show, but cos shes rad at tattooing.

I went to a bar in Silver Lake last night called ChaChas. They had a vending machine that had the following contents. This Is no lie.

Tampons.
Cigarettes.
Porno Trading Cards
Chocolate
Saddam Hussein Collecter Cards
Spermicidal Lubricant
Corn Chips
Candy and Chips.

amazing.





Heaps more has happened i think but im really tired of typing.

Muchos Gracious.

Bring back Hangin with Mr Cooper.

- s

travellin down this road too long..

TI goes to prison in 4 days.

T.I.'s Road to Redemption

i bet the dude is on a pumping rampage.

American Prison looks like this



Saw Alec Baldwin walking yesterday. Arrick Bardweeeen

Hung out with Brad and Dyson of Soundworks fame last night. Crazy to chill with good friends on the other side of the world. Best dudes. They are my business partners in ApparelDirect too along with the lovely Asha Wesson

Seeing Birds of Tokyo tomorrow at the viper room. River Phoenix wont be there but im sure it will be dope anyway.

So siked on dorcia right now, exciting things to come. Even though im half the world away.

Scored this yesterday for safekeeping for a few months. A friend of mine and kurts worked on the Obama Campaign for Sheppard Fairey and got this personally signed. Its legit and gave me a semi.







Working on some rad shit at the moment. Check the thinktank blog soon for updates etc. Or go there now

www.thinktankdesign.com.au/thinktank

Check out delbys site too. Hes pretty good at photographism.

www.thirdenginephoto.com

kick, push, coast (stack)

went and skated the burton ramp on the roof of the melrose store. So rad, shoutout to Jeff for hooking it up and showing me how to skate a ramp.

Fucked my ankle pretty bad and bruised up a bit but it was dope.

check it








this is actually where i fucked the ankle, board fucked off and i ate shit







more injuries to come...

Bury me in 501s and 10 deep

Sup kids

So i got to bail LA in three weeks. Pretty off it to be honest, but come what may i suppose. Time to make shit happen in London and then chill around Europe for a month before returning home to Perth to decide where my life is going to go.

Im usually ready for whatever, but LA has floored me. You know how people talk shit and give you those cliche'd sayings like "you can achieve anything you put your mind to" or "today is the first day of the rest of your life", i fucking hate that shit. Im not really sure what my point is here, im a bit hungover so this is going to be a bit disjointed. Oh yeh, i was getting at the fact that absolutely anything can happen here, in a second, and where im from, shit doesnt work like that.

So im just gunna go through various events that have happened over the past few days.

I have started working for Dim Mak in LA. They throw huge partys, put out some bullshit good releases and have a dope clothing range. I met a really cool couple called Luke and Joanna and ended up getting mad hooked up. So im in the Dim Mak offices 2 days a week till i leave and wil be continuing working with them through europe and back in Australia. This blows my mind, because half the reason i came to LA was to party at Dim Mak clubs like Cinespace and LAX and now im designing for them. Shit is crazy

I am not really going to say too much about what happens in the offices cos they keep a pretty tight lid on most shit, which is totally understandable, but i will say that they are good people and its totally refreshing to see that legit dudes are also super nice. Good times

I hit up Cinespace on tuesdauy night to see kid cudi. Soooo fucking good, dude killed it. Noreaga, Will i am and apple d all god up and freestyled. Was totally confused cos i think since fergie joined the peas, Will i am and co are pretty much the collective anticrist, however, he absolutely killed it on stage on tues. So now my whole existance is pretty much turned upside down.The band that opened the show were called Red Riders. they were australian. They dressed bad but they sort of killed it. then i saw that dooshbag dude that used to be on channel v. They automatically went from cool to a joke. i think he was their manager.






u can see my tall ass whiteboy head here too

Anyways, I met a group called thunderheist like the week i got here, they are super rad and very nice, we became [pretty good friends. Isis from the group was in town to do a live performance on the Jimmy Kimmel show with MSTRKRFT. We ended up getting hooked up with greenroom tickets and getting to see the performance. Met Noreaga and the dudes from MSTRKRFT. The producer came up tome and kurt and told us that we were going to be like right in the shot as jimmy threw from the desk to the stage and that we had to like look at jimmy, then at the stage as the camera came through. I took the opportunity to sealpaw america, unfortunately i cannot find footage of the event, im hoping it got on tele. Either way you can see my melon bopping about in this footage. Im the tall guy.



Oh also we met andy samburg from HotRod, he was on the show. Isis got a dope photo with him doing the jizz in my pants face. Fucking hilarious. Will post photo when it pops up.

Larry Clarke is shooting a new film/doco. cant say what about but i might be in it. Dude told me that we knew eachother in a previous life. i thought he was just some creepy old dude. He filmed me for ages which was sort of uncomfortable. I find out the next day that he is the dude that directed kids and bully. Crazy shit.

Aww yeah, i was walking home from the Kimmel show, down hollywood blvd at about midnight. I walk past this tattoo shop (nothing really closes here) right on hollywood, like stars and shit. Im pretty drunk and i hear this breakdown that sounds familiar. Prom Queen blasting out of the tatt shop on the other side of the world. Fucking random. Quickly called sean and blabbered some story about hearing his band. I thought it was cool. shuttup.


Found out that Thnderheist are going to be on the Crookers tour in europe when im there. Me and fab are going to be rolling a few dates with them so its going to be party times. Small world.

Designing some shirts for Kid Cudi. siked/

I continuously get fucked over at resteraunts over here. I either orer the most expensive thing on the menu or what i order is absolute shyt.

Heres some examples.

Hash browns. I like hash browns. Solid clumps of shredded potato. I like full english breakfast. Americans have no idea what a full english is. Everything here has pancakes and syrup and shit. And the sausage have sugar on them and shit. Its fucking stupid. Oh yeh, hash browns arent hash browns here so beware. They are like shredded potatos, not in solid clumps like we are used to. They are shredded like carrots. And they suck.

Macdonalds dont do a mcChicken. or maybe they do. i dunno, i tried to buy one today and the moron woman didnt know what i was talking about. If your macdonalds doesnt work, if yo cant order a happy meal easily, your country is fucked. Period. Clean up your act america.

They have powerade on tap here at macdonalds. No shit. random.

We went out for italian the other night and i asked the lady if they had carbonara. She said no. I explained that i wanted a creamy sauce with bacon and mushrooms. No. italy is fucking built on bacon mushrooms and creme. they had dishes like : pasta and olive oil. Sounds awesome. Or, it sounds like what u eat when u wake up hungover and realisr that the only 2 foodstuffs availabel in the pantry are maggie noodles and virgin olive oil. Italian my ass.

Found out that americans do actually know what "keen" means. they just thought i was saying "cane". i aint changin. cane it is.

Oh i mentioned that this girl looked Juvi the other day. She has modelled for dim mak and shit and is like an internet celeb (shes like 20). people lost their minds on the word juvi. im hell funny cos im australian.'



Met a dude from japan. he is way cooler than me on a novelty accent level. He asked me if i knew how to use illustrator but it sounded more like irrustwatah. Best thing ever.

Still havent seen a single fight in LA. No scuffles, no pushes, no shoves, nothing. Dudes will shoot you in the street, but they dont lay hands on eachother otherwise. Seems everyone sues everyone here so no one bothers. Maybe perth should start suing more.

I explained the one punch law to some friends here. They asked what happens if you kick someone, and if it is covered under the same law. smart asses.

Not really missing home anymore, just missing having a home, bed, couch etc. dont get me wrong, i miss my friends but shit is rolling out here. LA is still ghetto as shit but u can def see why ppl live here.

was gunna go to NYC but im not going to get a chance now.

accept my design award next week. will swiftly be changing my name to scott "internatinoally award winning" mellor. and getting grills.

United keep losing, pretty off it.

fuck yall.

not really.

love.

Ruiner.

This has nothing to do with my trip but its still mildly entertaining and wholely addictive / annoying. I didnt sit here and write this in a day, me and my friends just added to it over time to ruin everyones life.

So, cancel your plans....

Oh i saw kanye wests girlfriend today. Crackin.

anyway...



Jim Carey wrote the book in the number 23.

Robert Deniro is Charlie in Hide and Seek.

Everyone dies in The Perfect Storm

Carlito dies at the end of Carlitos way.

Bruce Willis is dead the whole time in the Sixth Sense.

The only person in The Departed that doesnt die is Mark Whalburg. And hes an asshole.

Jet Li is the partner Jason Statham is trying to avenge in Rogue Assassin. He has just had plastic surgery.

Everyone bar mr Pink dies in Reservoir Dogs.

Taxi Driver is a shit film, regardless of what anyone tells you.

Watching Scarface will turn you into a self motivated dickhead. And its not very good.

Brad pitt is edward nortons alter ego in Fight Club.

Edward Norton is not Scitsofrenic in Primal Fear.

Kevin Spacey is Kaiser Soze in The Usual Suspects.

Tom Cruise is in a virtual reality game in Vanilla Sky.

Surprise Surprise Transformers has a happy ending, but the dude that looks like matt danan doesnt pump anyone.

Billy Elliot rises above his mediocre upbringing to become a super gay ballet dancer.

The Spanish Esse guy in Goal makes it. But his dad dies.

The mighty Ducks win, even though the odds are stacked against them.

Coach Carters team doesnt win.

Regardless of her leg movements, Sharon stone is the Killer in Basic Instinct.

Edward Furlong Dies at the end of American history X.

In Clerks 2, The fat bearded guy ends up marrying the cool black chick, not the scrawny whitey.

Bricktop dies at the end of Snatch.

The killer in saw is the bald guy on the floor that you think is dead.

Kevin Spacey is the killer in 7, and gwyneth paltrow gets decapitated and put in a head box.

I like Mulholland Drive, but it is about nothing at all.

Al Pacino is Satan in the devils advocate.

The crying game is actually named based on a dude finding out that the girl he is persuing has a penis.

No matter how many films you watch with him in it, Steven Segal will never smile. Even at christmas.

Bacteria kills all the aliens in War of the worlds.

Samuel L Jackson causes all the accidents and catastrophes in Unbreakable.

The innocent white guy in Shawshank Redemption chisels a hole in his wall during the whole movie, then escapes.

Nicolas Cage is entrusted by the police in Con Air to land a plane in Las Vegas, even though he is neither a pilot, nor an innocent man.

The village is actually based in modern times and the village exists in a national park fenced off from the modern world. The monsters are just the elders dressed up to stop the kids from getting too curious.

Princess Leia is Lukes Sister, Darth his father.

In the Others, Nicole Kidman and her kids are dead the whole time, they are infact the ghosts.

Bruce Willis, despite being cornered, captured and put to death over 30 times in the Die Hard series, never actually dies.

In Scream, the girls boyfriends are the killers. I think one of them is called Skeet Ulrich. What a shit name.

Rizzo from Grease's real name is Stockard Channing. What the fuck.

In a History of Violence, the main character is infact an ex Mob bad ass that is trying to be a small town family man. When found out, he kills the mob, then returns to being a family man.

Not related to movies, Ex France and Chelsea defender Frank Le Boef's name, when translated, means Frank : The Beef.

In "One Night in Paris", paris hilton does not "Do" the bottle, even though the dude try's to get her to.

Training day is infact a non fictional biopic based on Denzel Washingtons life before being an actor.

Dr Dre was denied an Oscar for his stirling role in Training day because he's black

Despite being retarded, Forrest Gump becomes a multi millionare.

the whole movie identity takes place inside the head of a psycotic killer, and at the end, the kid is the real killer, forcing the man to go on being a serial killer.

ashton kutcher never perfects his life in The Butterfly Effect, so to save the girl he loves from ending up a skanky hooker, he returns to the womb and strangles himself so he never exists.

Ashton Kutchers marraige to Demi Moore is just a very long winded attempt at Punking Bruce Willis.

In The Beach, paradise is lost after a series of events including a shark attack and Leonardo DiCaprio fucking the Witch from Narnia.

At the end of Running Scared, regardless of the plot up to the final scene, Paul Walker is, yet again, an undercover cop.

In home alone, kevin yet again defeats the wet bandits, returning them safely behind bars.

Lady in the water, is infact shit.

Your going to hate me but in 'The Prestige' Christian Bale's big trick is a fake, he has an identical twin brother with whome he takes turns dressing as his manager to live an elaborate double life. His wife kills herself, one of the twins hangs to death for killing hugh jackman, who turns out to be alive after finding out how to clone himself, but ends up dying at the hands of Christian Bale.

In cry wolf, jon bon jovi does a poor job of convincing the world of acting ability.

In man on Fire, Denzel washington kills pretty much every bad guy in mexico, the girl who you think is dead, isnt. denzel hands himself over to the drug cartel dudes in exchange for the child and is subsequently killed. The little girls dad set up the whole kidnapping and ends up killing himself out of guilt.

Hey Ben and Danny, Tony kills christopher cos he gets back on the gear after a car accident in the last couple of episodes of the soprano's. You dont get to see but Tony gets whacked when the screen goes black at the very end.

The guy in hotrod makes the $50k for his step fathers operation.

Angelina Jolie get pumped hard in Original Sin. Like you werent expecting that. Thats why you got it out.

In "we own the night, Jaquin (whatever) Phoenix becomes a cop after his dad is murdered, and he kills that bad ass dude, and his bangin girlfriend leaves him.

I dont remember what happens in The Kingdom cos i was cracked out on Morphene and Tramidol, but if i did know, i would tell you.

Denzel rats out everyone at the end of american gangster and cuts a sweet deal with the DA. Russel Crowe ends up as his lawyer.

At the end of Dejavu, after huge gaping plot holes and generally shitty acting, Denzel washington kills himself to save the girl. Or something.

In This is England, the dude from the Arctic monkeys clip is a fucking psycho. He basically loses his mind and fucks everyone up for no reason. The kid ends up fat and miserable.

I thought that Night at the Roxbury was an 80's movie, like the breakfast club, However it isnt, and while it was sort of funny, it has no twist to ruin.

The licensing department is actually a demonic organsiation set up purely to make one Scott Mellors life hell. Movie out soon

In Smokin Aces, after finding out that his partner was killed in the violence that ensued from a government coverup to gather information from a Cop turned mob boss, Van Wilder kills both Ari and the Mob boss by unplugging their life support.

in high fidelity john cusak gets back with his ex, unfortunately his real life sister doesnt die, in the movie, nor real life.

In eastern promises, the guy from lord of the rings is an undercover cop. and also a bad ass that kills people while naked.

in 21, they con the professor, the security cons them.

in when in vegas, ashton kutcher keeps all the money, but they fall in love & stay together anyway.

in the virgin suicides, all the girls kill themselves. why, i still don't know.

in city of angels, nicholas cage decides to become human. he & meg ryan fall in love, then she stupidly rides her bike with no hands on a main road and is hit by a truck & dies, making nicolas cages' sacrifice a huge long winded waste of time.

in cruel intentions, ryan phillippe falls in love then is hit by a car & dies. And he doesn't "put it anywhere" in Buffy

in december boys, the couple choose to adopt misty, but he says no.

in p.s. i love you, the girl doesn't choose harry connick jnr.

in deep blue sea, only the main guy & cuba gooding jnr survive. Samuel L jackson gets eaten by a shark while making his moving "we're not going to die" speech.

in dan in real life, dan gets his brothers sloppy seconds.

in what lies beneath, harrison ford is the bad guy.

not a spoiler as such, but milo & otis was made before all those 'animal cruelty laws' came about, so many puppies & kittens died.

Rob made me watch this fucking shit movie Electroma by Daft Punk. Now im all for daft punk but i hate that everyone associates anything they do with the word "amazing". Now this is a spoiler. Im going to tell you every single thing that happens in this masterpiece. Ready..... Robots drive in car. Robots get fake human skin and faces. Skin melts off. Robots walk through desert. One robot self destructs. Other robot cant reach self destruct button. Robot sets himself on fire and continues walking. The end. Amazing my ass. fuck u rob.

In 1408 the room is actually haunted, once you enter you can never leave. Its sort of like perth. The guy from High Fidelity dies cos he sets the room on fire, effectively taking it to hell with him.

In ATL, T.I. keeps it real, the girl he's dating is actually rich as shit, he finds out, leaves her ass, then his younger brother gets shot by Big Boi from outkast and TI and his girl are reunited at the hospital. His bro doesnt die. Theres heaps of gay rollerskating in it too. I used to think TI was dope.

in sex and the city, big doesn't marry carrie til the end. there are too many louise/st louis/louis vuitton puns. miranda hates sex. samantha gets fat. and charlotte shits herself. and no, I'm not kidding.

In Bruges (brooj) is pretty funny, but everyone dies. the three main characters at least. and the midget. well at least you imagine that colin farrel dies. cos he gets shot heaps of times.

In the dark night heaps of shit happens, you know cos you have seen it. just like everyone else. Pretty sure harvey 2 face dies though.oooh and so does the girl that was played by Joey Potter in the first one but they couldnt get her back because of somethign to do with scientology to do the second one so they got the girl who is the sister of the dude that heath ledger pumps in brokeback mountain.

I had to stop watching brokeback mountain cos me and tom were really hungover and it was just a bit wierd hearing that first sex scene with your mate sitting there. I dont really know why. Sort of like when a sex scene comes on and your watching a movie with your mum. You get that lump in the throat swallow thing that can be heard for miles.

In wanted the dude ends up becoming a mad assasin. They actually have him hunting his real dad, by making him think that his real dad was killed by the guy he is hunting. He figures it all out and then lifts the lid on the fact that the whole assasination choosing thing is being rigged by the black dude from Seven and everyone dies. except for the scottish dude.

Pineapple express is fucking shit. Apart from the "you just got killed by a daewoo lanos" or whatever he says. that was hilarious

Never Back down is exactly the same film as Step up (1+2) except its about fighting and not dancing. Serious its the same.

Eagle Eye is so shit. A computer that is created by the "government" for national security and to fight "terrorists" with "information" realises that america is evil and turns on its own country. It is super real too cos the computer has a computerised woman voice and is surrounded by heaps of futuristic looking mirrors and shit. but in the end america is good and the computer dies and everyone leaves the cinema wishing they had the last 90 minutes back.

In Biggy and Tupac, the documentary team visit Suge Knight in prison, the camera man shits it so hard that he starts filming the sky and ground and shit. Then he peeks back at Suges entrouage and bails. Its one of the funniest things i have ever seen.

Ironman is sick. I thought it was gunna suck ass really bad but it was actually totally entertaining. Robert Downey Junior should really just drop the whole junior thing though. No one knew your dad. He is only relevent because your name indicates that you have a father with the same name. And is that really important enough to reference in your name. No it isnt. Lose it.

Im so sick of Will Smith and his feel good movies. Even though they make me consider being a better person.

In Gone Baby Gone, Ben Afflecks younger brother plays a private detective that looks like a child but is a bad ass. He pulls his gun on dudes and even shoots a pedofile. Anyway, this girl goes missing, her mum is a crack head, turns out the police set up some elaborate scheme to kidnap the girl so that Morgan Freeman can have her as his daughter because his died. No one thought the crack head would mind. And she sort of doesnt. Regardless, Ben Afflecks brother blows the lid on the whole thing, loses his girlfriend and takes the daughter from her kidnappers and returns her to her crackhead mum.

Rocknrolla is rad. All you really need to know is that the old gangster dude that you hope is going to die, does. Turns out he was working with the police and grassing on everyone in the London underworld. His Junkie son is fucking hilarious. Oh and handsome bob is gay, and the dude from 300 holds him like a child.

Season 7 of the shield was so intense. I got so used to the intensity that now i jump through glass windows at random just to feel normal again.

Gus Van Sant is such a shit director. Its like, make a movie about something that would hugely interest the public, say... Columbine. If any glitzy hollywood director pitched that there would be the hugest uproar, there would be social groups and politicians waving there arms about how it is sacred and its too soon to make a movie about it, disrespectful etc. But cos GVS makes such fucking boring artsy shit films that dont really make much sense, everyone is like, fuck it... go nuts mr Van Sant. You know what is disrespectful, making a fucking headache inducing self indulgent movie out of a tragedy. If i was killed at high school, i would much rather have a movie with huge explosions and famous actors in it, all the dead students are rolling in their graves everytime someone rents Elephant.

In cloverfield, everyone dies, and the video recorder gets trashed.

That new mark whalburg film is fucking shit. the comic book one. i had no idea what was going on for most of it. i think i need to play more xbox or something.

If you watch the first 12 chapters of R Kellys Trapped in the Closet, you would give him a pass on the whole pissing thing. Its the greatest story ever told.

I got out Honey, thinking it was going to be as good as step up. but it wasnt.

The dude from Scary Movie, i think he's in most of them, like the main guy, did gay porn when he was a struggling actor. It was on E News. Gay porn is probably funnier than any of the Scary Movie series, though i dont really want to know for sure.

In Gran Torino the racist old war veteran with a good heart played by Clint Eastwood befriends his somewhere from South East Asia neighbours and goes down in a blaze of glory during one-on-seven street justice battle. Toad/Taoh gets the Gran Torino. The bad ass grand daughter with the belly ring and an attitude problem gets nothing.

In Slumdog Millionaire, the indian kid from Skins gets the girl, he doesnt cheat in the game show, his asshole brother dies and he wins 16 million or something. Then they all dance at the end.

In No Country for Old Men, the dude from Sarah Jessica Barcelona or whatever its called, kills everyone. Mainly with a compressed air cannister. Its morbidly depressing and he doesnt die or get caught. And Tommy Lee Jones is the lamest cop in the world.

San Fran - Epic Post

This post is going to be full of photos and words that mean something to me, probably not much to you, so i take this time to be self indulgent and chances are, your going to read it. Baaaaa, Baaaa.

Alright so as i stated earlier, Kurts girlfriend was getting into town on Saturday so i thought i would be a good dude and bail the city, to give them some special alone time. So i hit San Fran for a few days, had a fucking great time, bla bla bla

This was my first taste of hostel life, im going to be rolling through many a hostel in Europe mainly solo so this was a good tester. Met heaps of good crew, heaps of average crew and a few losers. Standard.

Seems like in hostels are purely based around drinking beer, playing drinking games, dressing like shit and getting angry at people who spill beer. Turned my brain down to half and partook in the festivities of, well, drinking beer. Now most of you know that I pretty much drink Vodka exclusively, so hitting the beer messed me up pretty bad, held it together but.

So in sumarising, hostels are cheap, nasty, dirty, smell bad and are full of pretty cool people, over the top receptionists and staff, theres a few people that really play on the whole "your from this country, you must like this, my country is better" trip. Fortunately i feel i have no heratige and have no pride in any country, so people could write off english and australians till the cows come home. I like my friends, but australians can defend themselves. Your on your own Australia.

Met up with Callum and spent the day taking photos of the same shit, being generally rad and photobombing asian tourist photos. Sort of bitter sweet in that the act of photo bombing is hilarious but you will never get to see the photo... Heres me photobombing Callums arty BurgerKing photo



alright, heres a bunch of photos i took in sanfran.


lots of stickers outside a shoe store. standard.



me taking a photo of callum taking a photo.








This got me thinking about what makes a good quote. I think it comes down to the setting. You could have written anything at all on this monument, polished the concrete and had water firing out of it at random and it would have looked profound. Imagine if it read "bitches aint shit but ho's and tricks". People would have given that quote much more thought.



saw the creepiest thing right here. A homeless guy in a wheelchair. Only had one leg. Was trying to drag himself across the tracks with his one leg, sock half off. Swearing at the world. No pants. Saw his nethers. Too much to process, I just moved on with my life. Not sure if i will ever fully recover though.



Not pictured here, but the day before some 50 year old woman was standing in the cable car, the roads are pretty hilly and you lose your balance a bit. It was cramped. She kept saying "I cant do this, i just cant" in some desperate attempt to get someone to give up their seat. If you had one leg and no pants, my seat would have been yours. Until that day, please shut up, your ruining my ride.


Golden Gate Bridge was rad. Got all touristy.










(i stole this photo from callums blog - go there callumpreston.com)


Union square was really cool. Actually San Fran was cool all round. If anyone is coming to the states then check it out for sure.


This guy hasnt been laid in ages


Dick jokes are funny in any country. I recon if yuou were in afghanistan, there would still be dicks drawn on signs like this. And Afghanis would laugh, just as i did with this.



This is probably the best thing i have ever seen. Ever. Its like a study in the circle of life. The cat really wants to eat the rat. But he knows if he does, the dog is going to eat him. If the dog eats the cat with the rat inside it, he will have no companions, and then he is just a dog, not a fucking animal stacking superstar.



this is my favourite photo of the trip so far, and it was taken on the shittest camera i have ever owned (or borrowed)



This is MJ, i had met her a few times in Australia, she tour manages bands around America and Aus. Pretty sweet job. She and Callum dont kill animals for food so we ate at a vegan place and it was actually sweet.


Stole this photo from Callum again. I had been drinking pretty hard the night before. Look like some deformed supervillain.



This was in one of many stores Callum claimed to be cool, that really wasnt. Nothing says punk rock like an 80's face with glasses. Oh, actually, an 80s face with glasses and Minor Threat written above it, thats much more punk rock.






This place was amazing.

So yeh, that was my san fran trip. Good times good people.

Funny shit did happen though, as usual. Spotted a dude in the hostel bar, he had one of those short hair at front, mohawk mullet sort of haircuts, a white studded belt and a fighting bulls shirt on. Dude may aswell have been wearing an australian flag and dragging around a dead "insert ethnic reference here". Unfortunately he heard my accent and came over to abuse other nationalitys with his new team mate. Dudes name was, and this isnt a lie "Butch". He was from melbourne. One of the first F grade people I have met in this country, and he was from my country. "Irony isnt the right word, but its the first one that comes to mind" (yeh iv been reading Choke)

Oh that takes me back to the night before i left LA. We are standing in a bar called The Woods just off sunset, it was like a random culmination of all the poeple i have met in LA in the same place at the same time, totally unplanned. We are all laughing and just having a good time when some 5 foot 5 sweaty fat dude slams into me. I turn around and he is leaning back as far as he can looking up at me. My first thought is "I bet this dude is scottish". Im not really one for stereotypes, but u cant help what your first thought is. Dude opens with "your a big fooker arent yahrgh". Meet John from Glasgow. Way to be a cock.

On the flight home from San Fran there was some 40 year old guy sitting next to me. He wasnt one for conversation, im sort of chatty on flights a little bit, im the guy that you dont really want to sit next to if your antisocial. Anyway, the dude wasnt keen on chatting, i was cool with that. When the plane started speeding up on the runway he clutched his legs and started saying "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck" under his breath and closing his eyes so tight that it made his face a purply red colour. Winner. Im pretty sure the plane would have crashed on take off if he hadnt done that little number. Thanks guy.

Just found out Kid Cudi is playing on monday night at cinespace. Super keen. My new mate Luke runs Dim Mak records, who run the night and gave us the heads up. Which is good, cos if i got that information after the fact i would have been off the world. completely. Im sort of Interning for Dim Mak while im here, they throw rad partys, release rad music and just generally do rad shit. Check them out here. dimmak.com

Thinking about going to NYC later in the month.

Europe is coming soon. Cant wait. But will be sad to leave LA.

Oh found out that you go to prison for a few days (up to 28) for street graffiti here. Now not to dent my integrity as an "artist" but sticking a poster on a wall in the middle of the night really isnt worth prison rape. Well thats my thoughts anyway. Im too pretty for prison.

Sort of have a beard. Wont last.

Should really do some work now

Hope everyone is winning.

Free Shappelle.

They will kill us all, without mercy

Props to Delby and his streetness for letting me know whats happening in LA, even though he is in Perth and Im actually here. Found out the Bronx were playing a DJ set at a bar on my street in Hollywood called Kung Pow Kitty. Heres how the night panned out.

My mate Alex came into the office around 7ish, LA has kicked his ass so hes going back to Pitsburg to regroup and sleep with ex girlfriends. Dude is a good laugh, reminded me of my stoner perth friends. Speaking of which, Ben Ashley explained to me yesterday that he was sick with Bong Crisis. He then explained that meant bronchitis. Such a stoner joke..
Anyway, Alex explains that he is quitting smoking and busts out a packet of Nicotene Losengers. Explaining how they give you a steady release of nicotene and you dont feel like smoking.
So i grab one, suck on it. Literally feels like im inhaling a cigarette constantly for the next 30 minutes. I start tripping balls. Do not want. Go and buy cigarettes immediately.



We go grab some KFC, everyone laughs at me (not at all with me) for asking for a 3 piece feed. Its really not that funny. The mexican lady a the window offers me 18 pieces of chicken for $7. I aske her what the fuck i am supposed to do with that much chicken. She tells me that isnt her problem.



Pull up near the bar. get out of the car, walk down the road and i hear a clikcety clack behind me. I turn around to see 2 girls dressed in high heels and underwear strolling behind us. I just glance, i dont want to stare, i dont need to. Its Hollywood i spose, this shit happens, maybe they are strippers walking to work, maybe they just like underwear, who knows. So we cross the road and i tell alex and kurt to check it out. They turn around and are suprised at the site. I laugh. They laugh. We are now at the front of the club. The bouncer laughs. Alex says something about how standard that is in Hollywood. I say something like "what girls jut walking the streets in their underwear?".. Everyone laughs, hard. Way harder than my comment did any justice. Something is very wrong. Turns out im the only one that didnt know that they were infact men. Ladymen. How the fuck am i supposed to even consider this option. Im from perth, i dont think i have ever seen a ladyman. Seems back home, even if ur gay, you definately have an identifiable gender. I will never trust my eyes again. Ever. Nor will i live that down.. fuck Hollywood.

So we hit the bar and there was about 20 people in there. Was super chill, The Bronx dudes were spinning James Brown and Metallica, Greg from Bad Religion was there, Benji Madden was hangin out, it was a really cool vibe. There were $1 shots for 15 minutes from 12-1215. However, i had smoked about 5 cigarettes and had a nicotene losenger earlier so I was pretty much on PCP.
Met Benji and spoke with Matt from the Bronx for a bit. Both super nice dudes that had all the time in the world for some random giant australian.





yeh im rad at posing for photos..

Good times.

Kurt gave me a digital snapper, the 350d isnt really an option for general bar nights. Its pretty decent

Still hooking up european dates at the moment. Thinking about hitting sweden for a week before Amsterdam. Meeting up with Fab and his friends The Crookers in Amsterdam now, going to be party times for sure. Ill be the dude that doesnt speak italian. Charlie B is going to be in Europe at the same time as me too, so we are gunna rage a few destinations. Also going to meet up with my new friend Grant in London, even though we are creepy internet friends im pretty sure it will be a party. Gunna try and hit up Sean on the Deez Nuts tour in Europe too, i just need to find out where the hell the strange spelled places they are touring actually are.

Never a dull moment.

peas.

San Fran Bound

Kurts girl Brooke gets into town this weekend, seeing as i have been living in his pocket for the last 2 months, i decided to give him and his girl some space. To have sex and stuff.



I hung out with Hug yesterday, hes another Perth dude and we rolled Fairfax and got yelled at by a homeless dude together. It was a real bonding experience. We discussed the real issues of America, like the fact that no one knows what the fuck "suss" or "keen" means. We are pretty deep. Anyway, he was raving about San Fran and how it was the best place he had been, so i thought, fuck it, im going to go and see the full house house and that red bridge. Plus I consider it training for my solo venture around Europe next month, so I booked a flight and a Hostel and Im outtie on Friday til Sunday. This is Hug and this is his blog


Everyone watch Eastbound and Down. Its amazing.

Moneys too tight to mention. Someone send me some cash.

Hit the hundreds store on fairfax and got photoboothed.



This store only sold hats. It was dope.





I wish home was as cool as LA. Get ur shit together Perth, I love you but your bringin me down.

My friend Hunter got arrested for DUI. Went to prison for 2 days then got released. You do not want to go to county in LA. But he did. Didnt get penetrated but had some mad stories. He did however write one of the most amazing poems i have ever read. Im going to try and get it to put on here. Dont get me wrong, i hate that new age hessian wearing "im ugly and have no sense of style or social skills so i write poetry so people think im deep" shit, but the dude was in prison, only had a pen and wrote the thing on his body.

That is bad ass. So is my animated gif



Free Chilly.